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Living With My Wife...in an Understanding Way...

Aug 21, 2014 -- 3:19pm

We all have our books in the Bible that we could list as favorites, and today I am sharing some thoughts from one of my faves…1 Peter is a very practical book, one that challenges us at heart levels.  It calls us to examine our hearts in such ways as to how we respond to authority and suffering. 

In chapter 3, Peter directs the focus upon married couples, and a scripture that is very meaningful to me is found there in verse 7.  Here, Peter teaches me, and all husbands, to “live with our wives in an understanding way.”   I recently spent some time studying this section of this passage – and I hope these thoughts will be helpful to you.  First of all, here is the verse in entirety:


Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.  (1 Peter 3:7 ESV)


To live in an “understanding way” means that husbands are to treat their wives in such a way as to reflect the love, nurture, compassion, and patience as how we ourselves are treated by God.  Paul also echoed this importance in Ephesians chapter 5, where he instructed husbands to “love your wife AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH, AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR IT…”

To live with our wives in an understanding way is so important for the happiness of both spouses.  When a husband is loving his wife in this manner, there are several evidences that should be present…


-      He will not be overbearing, short, temperamental, demanding, or demeaning.  To do so is to NOT love!

-      He will value her thoughts and her opinions.  He will express his belief in her, and she will be secure in his leadership.

-      Under biblical leadership, a wife will BLOOM.  She will appear happy, and joyful…because she WILL BE that way!  She is loved, and there is a sense of “rightness” between them.

-      A husband will never threaten to harm his wife in any physical way.  There shouldn’t be any physical domination over the wife.  While most husbands are stronger than their wives, it would be both shameful and sinful for them to manipulate their wives in that way.

-      When a husband is truly loving and leading his family, his wife will feel protected and free from fear under his care.  She will thrive under such loving leadership. 

-      She will feel represented, heard, and a sense that her needs are being considered and addressed.

-      Finally, a husband’s prayers will NOT be hindered.  God so values the wives that He will withhold from a husband that is not in obedience to His commands.  A husband who is living with his wife in an understanding way will have a rich reward in answered prayers.


I hope this is helpful to you.  To live in such a manner will bring joy to the couple, and honor to God.  And that should be the goal of every believer.


Till next time.


~ Mike Gilland

Keep on Running the Race

Aug 07, 2014 -- 5:36pm


The Bible is replete with images from real life that help us understand God’s principles and direction for our lives.  One of the most helpful for me is found in Paul’s encouragement to the Corinthians to “run the race to win…” (1 Cor. 9:24). 

I’ve never been a great runner, but I love this analogy from Paul.  Running is a sport of endurance and determination.  It brings both pain, and, when those endorphins kick in, euphoria (well, at least that is what I am told!!!  :)

The great thing about running the race with Jesus is that we are not running alone.  He has promised that we will be guided by the Holy Spirit, who was sent to be our guide, our strength, and our comfort. 

One of the most amazing stories that I’ve ever read is the account of Derek Redmond, a British runner in the 1992 Olympics.  Derek was competing in the 400 heat, and was on the back stretch, only 175 meters from the finish line when disaster struck – Derek’s hamstring in his right leg popped, and down he went.  Struck with immense pain, Derek struggled to get back up on his feet.  He HAD to finish.  His dream of a winning a medal was clearly dashed, but he refused to not finish this race.  But the pain and struggle was great.

Watching all this unfold from his seat in the stands was Derek’s father, Jim Redmond.  Instinctively, Jim jumped to action, cleared through security, and ran to the track.  He helped Derek up to his feet, and said to him, “I’m here, son. We’ll finish together.”

Derek put his arms around his father and sobbed, and he was not alone.  65,000 people who were in the stands stood to their feet, crying and clapping.  A few feet from the finish line, dad released his grip, and Derek crossed the line on his own, to the cheers of everyone in the stadium.  It was an Olympic moment that will never be forgotten.  Without a doubt, it was the most celebrated last-place finish in Olympic history.  But…he finished the race.

Jim Redmond’s help and love for his son serves as a wonderful illustration to the kind of support that we can give to others, and more importantly, to the great help that we as believers receive from our Heavenly Father.  Jesus told us to run, and to run in such a way as to win.  What a comfort it is to know that we are not running alone.  He is there – with arms around our shoulders, telling us that we will finish…together.


Till next time.


~ Mike Gilland

The Heart and Soul of Community

Jul 25, 2014 -- 2:40pm


You just gotta love Facebook!  Pardon my bad grammar, but that is a truth nonetheless.  I never cease to be amazed at the power of social media.  It has the ability to keep us close to those we love, it reunites us with those we once knew, and revives memories that were shared together. 

For example, the current phenomenon called “Throw Back Thursday” is being practiced by more and more in my circle of friends on Facebook.  I am constantly amused at the pictures that are being posted – in some situations, I knew that friend during that era, and the posted photo brings back a flood of fond thoughts of events and times shared with that friend.  In other pics, I find that I didn’t know my friend at that point of time – and seeing his posted picture gives me a window into his or her past activities that I would never have known or shared.

Facebook, and Twitter, and other social sites will sometimes use the word “community” to describe their network.  I prefer to think of Facebook as a “tool” for community, as opposed to being a “community” in and of itself.  Let me explain…

What makes these virtual portals so useful to me is that they are new connectors to my existing community.  Facebook is a great way to connect to someone with whom I am already related!  This distinction is important, for Twitter, Facebook, etc. – can never serve to produce real community from scratch.  Social media, as good as it is, will never replace a good chat over a cup of coffee, or a personal visit to someone who is sick, or hurting.  It will never be as good as your hand on a friend’s shoulder, or a prayer that is actually prayed for someone who needs encouragement.  As much fun as they give us, these programs pale in comparison to the impact of living real life with real friends, spending actual minutes, face-to-face - together

One of the sad and very negative results being produced by our computer-driven and social media-saturated culture is a real sense of isolation…an acute loneliness.  Merely posting a status update will not prevent one from having a sense of separation from real relationships, or meaningful interpersonal communication that is genuine, direct, and up-close.

Real community demands real relationships.  And relationships demand time spent together, side-by-side, face-to-face.

Make no mistake, I enjoy the fact that I have Facetime at my disposal, and it is a great tool that connects me to my children who are now in other cities.  While I cherish those conversations, I would never want to imply to my kids that an online chat is as good as time spent together at home, or sharing a meal together.  Facetime is great, but I want to give my kids an actual hug around the neck!

Parents, and children too…make it a priority to spend time together.  Laugh, talk, play games.  Ride bikes, go to parks, throw Frisbees. Those times, and many others like them, are the building blocks to love, fellowship, and true relationship.  The kind of relating that builds real community.


Till next time.


~ Mike Gilland

Teach Me to Number My Days

Jul 16, 2014 -- 11:37am


It was true for me 15 years ago, when I wrote the lyrics to a song in anticipation of an upcoming youth retreat.  Now, it seems more true than ever.  What is the “it”? Well, first the back story…

I was speaking at a youth conference in Orlando, and the theme of my message was the importance of making our lives count for God.  One of the points in my message was from Ps. 90:12, where we are encouraged to “number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” As I studied, I began to get a clearer picture of this mandate from scripture.  I have been given a span of time in this thing called “my life.”  It matters how I manage these days.

As I pondered these thoughts, an image came to my mind – of one of those hourglass timers.  We have a game that uses one.  As you watch the sand go through that narrow opening, it seems like it will never empty into the bottom half of the glass.  But, it does.  It always does, and with surprising speed, especially when you are playing that game!

From that point, came these lyrics…





How quickly the sands flow through…

The hourglass of our youth…

In a single day, they seem to slip away.

Good intentions come, but so many left undone…

Lord, help me see…the brevity of life.



Teach me to number my days…let me gain a heart of wisdom.

Grant to me a passion for Your ways.

Teach me to number my days…so my life will bring You glory.

Help me Lord, teach me to number my days.



Make me glad for all I have…

The blessings You have given…

In a single day they all could fade away…

But one thing will remain…

In this world of passing pleasures…

Lord help me to see…my only need is You.


© 1999, Mike Gilland


Now, to the explanation in the first sentence…the “it” of which I spoke… It is the fact that our lives are passing by much more quickly than we imagine.  Those grains of sand are moving through that narrow opening of life at an alarming pace.  This is true for us all, and we are called by God to use these moments we’ve been given for His glory.


Till next time.


~ Mike Gilland

Lessons Learned From Tree Trimmings

Jul 09, 2014 -- 4:41pm


Looking out my front door yesterday morning, I was amazed at the long line of bundled tree clippings that were all prepared for the Monday yard-waste pickup.  This huge pile of sticks, branches, and leaves represented the fruit of much labor, by my son David, his wife Beth, and yours truly.  You see, their trip to see us over the holiday weekend was not only to visit on the 4th – there was a purposeful mission in mind, as my son has faithfully helped me for years in the area of tree trimming…(there is just something wonderful about having a strong, youthful son to help in this task!). 

This pile of excess yard and tree growth, as beautiful, green and healthy as it was just days ago, was now awaiting pickup.  Functionally, every last bundle was…trash.

Seeing this freshly reminds me that, if I am not careful and diligent, many of my activities, my efforts, and even my words could easily end up with a similar fate.  I could be spending a lot of my life seeking things that will one day end up being judged as a “dead work”.  And the end for such works – they will be burned in a great fire.

Talk about a healthy reminder – believers are called to be watchful over our lives, and intentional in the way that we live.  In many ways, our hearts are like my back yard.  There are things all around my yard that grow.  Some wanted, some unwanted, and as funny as it seems, those things that are not wanted (like weeds) grow the fastest.  If I care about my yard, and if I am not lazy, then I will watch over it.  I will keep it from becoming overgrown with weeds.  I won’t let the low-hanging branches from nearby trees grow onto my roof.  I will have to work.  I have to trim, I have to prune.  I have to be watchful.

This is our lot in life.  Now, you don’t have to be a homeowner to face this task.  We ALL have to be watchful. 

1st Cor. 3:14-15 says, “If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward.  If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.”

May our efforts, our time, and our energies be devoted to the One who is our Foundation, our Cornerstone.  Those are the works that will survive the flame.  And there will be a heavenly reward for that kind of work.

For now, I am glad that all that tree trimming is over!  Let’s see, where is that bottle of ibuprofen?  My muscles are aching!!!


Till next time.


~ Mike Gilland

It Was For Freedom

Jul 01, 2014 -- 2:26pm


It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. 

Galatians 5:1 (NIV).


I love the book of Galatians.  Paul’s passion for Jesus AND for his fellow believers in the Lord’s church is on full display. 

If you take the time to study the original language of verse one of chapter 5, you will discover an emphasis that is not readily apparent to a casual reader.  Paul employs what theologians call “polemic” language – meaning that it was spoken with deep passion, almost “yelling it out.” Paul was shouting this truth in a desperate manner.  He wanted the Galatians to understand that Christ has set them FREE.  He wants us – you and me, and all believers – to understand this very thing too.

Many people get tripped up in their walk of faith when it comes to freedom in Christ.  This happens when our eyes are more on what we aren’t – than what we are in Jesus.  It is true – none of us who are living are, or ever will be, completely free from ever falling short of the mark (said differently, we still blow it – we sin…)  And when our eyes and hearts are focused on that, we can easily agree with our enemy, our accuser, who rushes in and says to us, “See – you’re not REALLY free in Jesus.  If you were, you wouldn’t have spoken to your spouse in such a way…” 

When thoughts and words like that hit us right after an argument, or when an unkind expression comes out of us in an angry moment, condemnation can quickly rob us from our sense of freedom that was promised to us in the Word.

A well-known author and theologian named John Stott has given us a very helpful look at our freedom, defining it in a way that guides us to a better understanding of this gracious gift from the Lord:


“This freedom, as the whole Epistle and this context make plain, is not primarily a freedom from sin, but rather from the law.  What Christ has done in liberating us, according to Paul’s emphasis here, is not so much to set our will free from the bondage of sin as to set our conscience free from the guilt of sin.”

John Stott


Christ loves us with an everlasting love, and this is still true, even when we make mistakes.  The Bible tells us to “get back up again.”  And He is faithful to wash our hearts of the guilt that we feel, returning to us the joy of freedom.

I am privileged to be a father of four (now adult) children.  My kids have given me great joy, more than I can ever describe. But they have made mistakes, and so have I.  At times, they disobeyed me.  And afterwards, they would repent, and I would forgive them.  At times, I would handle things wrongly, and it would hurt them.  I would repent, and they would forgive me.  But at no point in these times did they ever stop being my kids, or did I stop being their father.  And, at no time did my love for them cease.  Not even in the midst of a relational situation. 

If that is true for me, and my love for my kids – how much more true is it in describing the Love that our Heavenly Father has for us?  He has given us FREEDOM in Jesus!  If you’ve made a mistake, run to the Lord, repent, and rest in knowing that He is your Lord.  You’re free in Him.  He is faithful and just to forgive you…to cleanse you.

Our country has long been known as “the land of the free, and home of the brave,” and we are preparing once again to celebrate its freedom from what was a tyrannical British rule in the 1700’s.  Our founding fathers truly believed in a freedom that was first and foremost described in the pages of the Bible…in verses like Galatians 5:1.  Many of them gave their fortunes, even their very lives for our freedom.  Oh, that our leaders would return to an understanding and definition of this kind of freedom!

As believers in Jesus, we are privileged to know FREEDOM in a tangible way that transcends governmental ideals.  It transcends this very life itself, and opens the way for us to be free not only in our lives here – but throughout eternity as well.

Enjoy your freedom in Christ.  Stand firm.  Don’t give up. And don’t believe the accusations of the accuser either.  Believe the words of the Lord.  He who the Son sets free…is free indeed.


Till next time.


~ Mike Gilland

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